days that end in y: meghan mccain is a stupid attention whore

Just don't look! Just don't look!

Yesterday the Twitterverse descended into some kind of violent civil war after professional coat tail rider Meghan McCain posted the above photo, presumably as some kind of proof that she’s not functionally illiterate. Whatever, Meg. We all know that’s probably just a picture book. Half the Twitterati wanted her stoned as a whore and the other half showered her with virtual Mardi Gras beads.

I don’t care if Meghan McCain wants to show a photo of her giant gazungas to every mouth-breathing social retard on Twitter. That is her right. The tree of liberty must occasionally be watered with online photos of some dumb blonde’s huge rack.

What makes me want to puke is her transparently coy narrative here: “Oh, look at how much of a LOSER I am, reading one of these words on paper sandwiched between stiff covers things while my cleavage erupts over the top of my skintight tank! Mercy, I hope this doesn’t upset anyone and give me enough material to fart out a dozen more posts on the Daily Beast! Heavens to Betsy, if you have an opinion click on this handy link to some shit blog post I wrote! I get paid by the view and Mama needs new hair extensions!”

This is actually pretty mild behavior from a McCain, considering her father basically once offered to make his icy wife sexually service a bunch of meth dealers in exchange for their votes.

days that end in y: elizabeth wurtzel opens mouth, stupidity falls out

Virtually all memory of the brilliance of the young Tenenbaums Elizabeth Wurtzel was subsequently erased by two decades of betrayal, failure, and disaster.

Waxing is a deeply personal grooming decision, with extremes of opinion on both sides: It infantilizes women and makes them pay with money and pain for the privilege of adhering to an arbitrary standard of beauty! Umm… sorry, I guess I really got nothing on the “pro” side. So you can probably tell where I stand on the issue. I mean, I keep it neat, but I’m not going to rip it out by the roots. But I don’t argue with women who are pro-waxing, because arguing over pubic hair trends seems kind of silly. Besides, we all know the biggest obstacle to a matriarchal utopia is nipple tint.

So how can we dumb up the issue even more? I know, let’s ask Elizabeth Wurtzel her opinion! To sum up: Hair is “icky” (Why? Just cuz!); you’re not a “real” woman unless you fritter away precious time and money on the admittedly grim drudgery of pointless beauty routines and waste your sanity attempting to reach an unreachable ideal of beauty; men have always* and will always** like bald beavers, and we should always do whatever men want, apparently!

Why are still caring what Elizabeth Wurtzel has to say about anything? It’s been 15 years since Prozac Nation and the only thing of note she’s done since is fail the bar exam like a dozen times. Although that hasn’t stopped her from calling herself a lawyer. She’s even worse at passing it than she is at committing suicide!

*You sure about that, Lizzie?

**If Elizabeth Wurtzel has access to a time machine, why hasn’t she killed Hitler yet??