“jesus receives oral”*

I will never get tired of posting this photo.

Not working means I am no longer sitting in front of a computer 8+ hours a day, so sometimes it takes an extra day or two for news to filter down to me via blogs and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. (I hate CNN and these days I only watch MSNBC for reruns of To Catch a Predator. Man, I miss that show. HI THERE, WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A SEAT.)

So anyway, I only found out a couple of days ago that Oral Roberts had died. Good riddance. I’m sorry, did you expect me to indulge in the collective hand-wringing and fake sincerity that so many of my fellow liberals do? Not gonna happen.

“Oh, but we must be better than our enemies!” You know what, FUCK THAT. I’m already better than that piece of dirt and his evangelical ilk are. What yardstick do I use? How about the fact that, as much as I hate their beliefs, I would never suggest that they not be allowed to hold and express them. I would certainly never advocate that they be jailed or put to death for their “lifestyle”, and I would oppose any groups or individuals who did. I would also never pray for their deaths, but to be honest that’s only because a) I’m an atheist, and b) it’s tacky.

Conservatives have been trying to convince the rest of the world of three rather grotesque untruths recently, because they think we’re all as stupid as they (collectively) are. One is that they are some kind of persecuted minority in this country, while at the same time this is a “Christian Nation”. Another is that being opposed to the kind of gross bigotry that, say, keeps gay people from marrying each other anywhere in this country somehow makes us the bigots, because we don’t want laws to be passed on the basis of a handful of people thinking non-penis-in-vagina sex is icky, because one sentence in an old book tells them so. And the last is that “free speech” means they can get on their soapboxes and tell us we’re going to hell for thinking that all American citizens should have equal rights, and that we have to shut up and take it. Criticize what they say and somehow you’re agin’ free speech.

“Free speech” is not a blank check to say hateful bigoted things and be immune from criticism. The people who oppose the hateful bigoted things you say still get to make fun of you, or decide not to make you Miss Universe, or be happy when you die of natural causes and stop infecting the world with your particular brand of shittiness.

I hope Fred Phelps is next. Not because I really find him to be much of a threat — The Westboro Baptist Church is practically bankrupt; I think their sole source of income at this point is aggravating grief-stricken parents at the funerals they picket into shoving them, then suing them for penny-ante civil settlements. And Fred himself is so bugfuck crazy that he’s pushed himself right out of the mainstream evangelical spheres of influence. Even conservative politicians who privately agree with him won’t risk being tainted with his particular stench of lunacy by publicly supporting him, not if they have political aspirations higher than County Roadkill Clean-Up.

No, mainly I’m just curious to see who will picket his funeral. I used to say that I hope he lives a long time, because I like making fun of him. But you know, Shirley Phelps-Roper is waiting to fill his crazy shoes, and she’s just as insane (not to mention hideous-looking) as he is.

*via Daze.

does this mean that god hates the westboro baptist church?

Possible arson fire causes $10,000 of damage to Westboro Baptist Church.

Well, there’s only one possible reaction to this:

i hope the syphilis eating away at fred phelps’ brain doesn’t kill him too soon, because he’s a goldmine of unintentional comedy

The world’s best IRL trolls strike again: Westboro Baptist Church to picket George Carlin’s funeral. Or at least they’re threating to; but if Carlin’s funeral is going to be held any significant distance away from Kansas, they might back out. Much like they threatened to picket Heath Ledger’s funeral, then realized that after getting sued for $11 million dollars they couldn’t scrounge up bus fare to Wichita, never mind plane tickets to Australia.

I’m not sure which part of this press release is more hilarious:

  • the repeated reference to Carlin as a “potty-mouth”–what are you guys, 3 years old?,
  • the accusation that Carlin was both an agnostic and an atheist,
  • the stern “God will not be mocked!” bullshit, when God waited more than 70 years to strike Carlin down,
  • or the revelation that Keith Olbermann and Jerry Seinfeld will also eventually wind up in hell.

I know a lot of people hate the WBC, and I used to be one of them, but it’s pointless to hate them, really. They have no influence at all; any conservative politician with ambition beyond County Animal Carcass Removal would never–even if they privately agree with them–publicly endorse them, because they’re too pants-shittingly insane for even the GOP. They’ve done way less damage to the LGBT community than groups like Focus on the Family or Concerned Women for America, who have power and money. Wasting time and effort to silence the WBC is totally couterproductive.

It makes more sense to just view them as unintentional comedy, and laugh at their stupid antics. They hate and fear your laughter much more than they do your hatred, believe me.

did civilization come crashing down in massachusetts when they legalized same-sex marriage in 2004? i think there would have been something on CNN if that had happened.

Harbinger of doom!30 days after California’s Supreme Court ruled against the law that forbid same-sex marriages, the state is bracing for wedding ceremonies to begin this week. And unlike Massachusetts, California doesn’t have a residency law, meaning gay couples are going to be coming from all over the country to get married here. It’s going to be great for our economy; especially the Bay Area’s, because you know a lot of them are going to want to get married in San Francisco.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom presided over the first such ceremony yesterday evening at 5:01, just past the deadline, of a lesbian couple in their 80s who had been together for 55 years. Monogamous couples in extremely long-term relationships allowed to make their union legal?! This country is certainly going to hell in a handbasket!! *eyeroll*

(Tell me again how gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage? That’s what I always hear the bigots bleating, but none of them are ever really able to explain how that works.)

Not everyone is welcoming the marriages: the country clerks of Kern and Butte counties have suspended all weddings that were scheduled to take place at their offices, and won’t be holding any more for the forseeable future, meaning no one, gay or straight, can get married there. Petty cunts. I hope all their kids and spouses turn out to be gay.

KTVU reports that 3 members of the Westboro Baptist Church are in Contra Costa County–the county immediately to the east of mine. It’s a good thing I don’t drive anymore, or I’d be sorely tempted to go over there and “accidentally” run them over on the courthouse lawn.