2 for 1 movie trailer post!

If you are one of the legion of women who lust for John Cusack, and you’re old enough to remember the 1980s, one of the reasons oft-cited for said lust is probably the pair of Savage Steve Holland-directed movies from that decade which he starred in: Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer. So it might sadden you to know that the reason interviewers never bring them up, in spite of their cult status, is that they’re warned beforehand by Cusack’s handlers that he will refuse to answer any questions about them. Apparently, he’s rather ashamed of the movies, and considers them to have been, in retrospect, beneath someone of his obvious vast talents.

However, he’s apparently not above making a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine. It’s about a hot tub that’s also a time machine.

Have you ever seen M. Night Shyamalamadingdong’s movie The Happening? It’s about trees killing people by releasing wind-propelled toxins because they’re pissed off about global warming and all those diposable diapers in landfills. It’s hilariously awful, I recommend it. Anyway, it’s apparently spawned a slew of movies that rip off the concept; but with even worse writing, acting, and directing (not to mention lower budgets). And I think we’ve discovered the nadir of the genre: Birdemic.

This is definitely going to be on Syfy channel at 6:00 in the morning sometime soon. I’ll wake up to pee or get a drink of water, having fallen asleep with the TV tuned to the channel, and be greeted with the bizarre sight of terrible CGI eagles suicide-bombing a sleepy town.

Googling the interwebs turned up this scene-by-scene recap, which reveals the amazing fact that this movie was shown at Sundance. Keep those standards high, Redford!

I foresee a double feature of The Happening and Birdemic in my near future. (You can buy it from Amazon!) Well, it will really be a triple feature, if you count the copious amounts of alcohol I will probably consume.

the weekend just past: stitching, good food and bad movies, and the death of george carlin

Nearing the halfway mark.

Natasha’s back in town (or maybe she never left), so we went out Saturday night. She suggested seeing The Hulk, but that just looks boring-bad, so I said how about The Happening, which looks hilarious-bad. She wanted Italian for dinner, so we went to Massimo’s, which is pretty pricey and usually a special occasion place, but what the hell, it really is the best food to be had in Fremont.

Let me tell you chickadees, The Happening is exactly as bad as you probably heard it was. Marky Mark constantly has a facial expression like he’s trying to figure out who farted and talks to everyone like they’re 5 years old; Zooey Deschanel spends the movie acting and looking like a total halfwit (“Close the doors and windows!” “Why?” OMG ZOOEY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL.)–and I don’t mean in the typical horror movie “This chick is an idiot” way, I mean she literally seems “special”; and both of them, in a bizarre directorial and/or acting choice whose reason I can not fathom, speak in a register way higher than their real voices. It’s like the set had a slow helium leak from somewhere the whole time. It’s CRAZY. Plus there’s some freak obsessed with hot dogs, and Betty “You’re outta the prom, Hargensen!” Buckley acting totally insane and accusing people of eyeing her lemon drink.

Anyway, you just GOTTA see it. Natasha and I were cracking up the whole time, and probably coming off as really obnoxious to everyone else in the theater. But it was the last showing, and there were only like 6 or 7 other people there anyway.

Also, on weekends of triple-digit heat, this is my new favorite thing:

Matcha milk tea + Häagen Dasz vanilla honey bee ice cream = DELISH.

So, this would have been a great weekend, except that George Carlin died on Sunday night. That totally sucks, it’s not like we have so many iconic and truly great comedians that we can afford to lose any of them. Who’s going to take his place, Larry the fucking Cable Guy?

Here is Carlin’s most famous bit, the 7 dirty words you can’t say on television:

I’m gonna miss that gravelly sarcasm.