skunks & shopping

Pepe le pew

I fart in your general direction!

Bonnie and I got skunked on Thursday night! All the windows were open, and around 3:30 in the morning, a skunk let one rip. And it must have been right outside the house, like on the lawn or porch or driveway, because the smell was so strong it woke both of us up. We’re talking industrial strength. I’ve smelled skunks before, and it’s always been bad, but this was UN. REAL. It was like someone was pressing a thousand rancid garlic cloves DIRECTLY INTO MY SINUS CAVITIES. It was a smell so strong, it had physical presence. Like, it had mass. It was like being tear-gassed.

We closed the house up — because it just coming in through the windows in wave after wave of fetor — then drenched it in natural orange oil air freshener, which luckily I keep on hand. (I hate artificial air fresheners, and they don’t really work anyway.) In the morning we opened all the windows and doors and kept them open, trying to air out the final remnants of skunk stench. I keep getting faint whiffs in odd corners of the house, though.

Whatever animal it was tussling with that caused it to gas off, must have dropped dead from shock right on the spot, or at least been stricken blind. Sweet Zombie Jesus, I hope I NEVER have to smell anything that terrible again so long as I live.

So anyway, I’m at work again today, hopefully this will be the last Saturday I have to work for the rest of the year. I took yesterday off. The plan had been to take Monday off, so I’d have two days off in a row; but then I realized I’d have to work six days in a row, and that seemed marginally more horrible.

black button front dressI went to Tar-jay yesterday. The dress selection was pretty picked-over, but I did get this dress, one in black and one in denim. They should be pretty versatile, and in cold weather I can wear them over layers. They’re short enough that I could even wear them with pants. They’re 100% cotton too; I’m trying to wear fewer synthetics. It annoys me that so many plus-sized clothes are made of cheap polyester or rayon. Hello, fat people get hot easily! We like natural fabrics!

I got a few accessories, but I’m going to scour the thrift shops for more. If I’m going to buy a lot, thrifting makes more economic sense. I also got a couple pairs of ballet flats, one which turned out to be a mismatched pair (an 8 and an 8 1/2), so I have to go after work and exchange them.

Sheena Matheiken gets a lot of her variety from knee socks, which I think is really cute; but she also wears a lot of stuff I don’t, like hats. But a few years ago I went through a necktie phase, which was fun but for some reason didn’t last (but I still remember how to make a four in hand knot!), and that could be an easy way to really change the look of a dress (provided it has a collar). I just need at least one more — a brown one — and possibly a gray and/or green one. And then I should be set.


in other news, what happened to beth ditto’s eyebrows?

karl-lagerfeld-and-beth-ditto Oh, Beth Ditto. Why?

I don’t understand why women who work for fat acceptance will go to fashion shows and hang out with people who say they will never, for any amount of money, design for women bigger than a size 10. Even though the average American woman is a size 14. It’s like black people going to Klan rallies because they think the burning crosses are pretty. Even though there is a serious lack of above-average sized fashions, and even though the few designers who make fashions for fat women say it’s practically a license to print money, most designers would rather lose business than be seen as something fat people — slovenly pigs who would dribble gravy all over the clothes and sweat them up! — would wear.

Best Week Ever joked about this photo that Lagerfeld probably threw away his gloves after allowing them to touch a fat person, and it’s probably not that exaggerated. Much the same way that the people who are the biggest assholes about smoking are ex-smokers; fat people know that the worst finger-wagging and hatred for our disgustingly fat bodies comes from ex-fatties like Lagerfeld. The man who used to hide his double chin with a fan in public and claims anorexic fashion models who collapse under the weight of clothing just have “skinny bones”.

going to the chapel and… what should i wear?

My sister is getting married in October and I just realized I should probably buy a dress like, now. See, she’s getting married in Palm Springs, which is still like 95 degrees in October; but the stores are going to be phasing out summer clothing soon. It’s not going to be a real fancy-shmancy ceremony, the invitations specify “cocktail casual”. Not being a frequent habitué of cocktail parties, I’m not totally certain what that means, so Mom is going to have to help me out here.

As a fat chick, I always wanted to buy something from Torrid, but wouldn’t you know it? I hate every single one of the dresses they’re selling at the moment! (Except, ironically, the actual wedding dresses. But that would probably be a leetle tacky.) Bubble hems seem to be the big thing right now, which, BARF. Pardon me if you’re into them, but it’s so not my thing. Too fussy, too reminiscent of bad 1980s prom dresses (which was most of them).

Lane Bryant is the only other store I can think of off the top of my head that specializes in plus sizes, although I’m sure there are plenty more. I really like this dress but it might be too casual. Normally I stay away from sleeveless, but triple-digit heat tends to cancel out my natural modesty. The only thing is, right now I have a total farmer’s tan from bicycling. Would it be too out of character to schedule a couple sessions in a tanning booth? Just to even things out!

This dress I’m pretty confident would do well, but it’s kind of… boring. I do love square necklines, though.

I’ll need shoes, too. They’ll have to be relatively comfortable, because I’m the photographer and am going to be on my feet more often than not. And bloomers, because there’s no way I’m wearing hosiery in that heat.

ETA: Actually, the more I look at the second dress, the more I like it and think it’s simple and classic as opposed to “boring”. The ceremony is outside, but isn’t going to be very long, and the reception will be indoors with A/C.