i can’t tell if muting makes them less creepy or more, but i’m not going to unmute them to find out

Is it just me, or have commercials taken a turn for the ultra creepy lately?

The Burger King “tiny hands” campaign. OH DEAR GOD NO

The giant insects in the Orkin commercials. Are you trying to make me vomit in terror?

Nationwide Insurance’s “World’s Greatest Spokeperson in the World”, who is definitely a serial hatchet murderer. You can probably read all about the people whose chopped-up bodies are hidden under his floorboards on his Facebook.

Honorable mention: Centennial Wireless’s “naked guy”, which — luckily for you — I couldn’t find a picture of. (And I don’t recommend image Googling “[blank] naked guy” on your parents’ computer.) I never would have seen this excrable ad campaign if I hadn’t moved to Louisiana. They even have billboards of him. The tagline is “You’re covered”; hence the nakedness. Of course, his naughty bits are always conveniently covered. I mean, I guess it’s supposed to be cheeky, but it’s just yucky to me. For one thing, he’s obviously been slathered in self-tanner. And when he walks around in the teevee spots, his little moobs jiggle. NOT SEXY.

But the worst is when he’s totally naked, except he’s wearing a necktie. Ties on shirtless men totally gross me out. There’s probably some 13-syllable Latin word for it. Naturally, I am not a fan of the Chippendales.