“jesus receives oral”*

I will never get tired of posting this photo.

Not working means I am no longer sitting in front of a computer 8+ hours a day, so sometimes it takes an extra day or two for news to filter down to me via blogs and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. (I hate CNN and these days I only watch MSNBC for reruns of To Catch a Predator. Man, I miss that show. HI THERE, WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A SEAT.)

So anyway, I only found out a couple of days ago that Oral Roberts had died. Good riddance. I’m sorry, did you expect me to indulge in the collective hand-wringing and fake sincerity that so many of my fellow liberals do? Not gonna happen.

“Oh, but we must be better than our enemies!” You know what, FUCK THAT. I’m already better than that piece of dirt and his evangelical ilk are. What yardstick do I use? How about the fact that, as much as I hate their beliefs, I would never suggest that they not be allowed to hold and express them. I would certainly never advocate that they be jailed or put to death for their “lifestyle”, and I would oppose any groups or individuals who did. I would also never pray for their deaths, but to be honest that’s only because a) I’m an atheist, and b) it’s tacky.

Conservatives have been trying to convince the rest of the world of three rather grotesque untruths recently, because they think we’re all as stupid as they (collectively) are. One is that they are some kind of persecuted minority in this country, while at the same time this is a “Christian Nation”. Another is that being opposed to the kind of gross bigotry that, say, keeps gay people from marrying each other anywhere in this country somehow makes us the bigots, because we don’t want laws to be passed on the basis of a handful of people thinking non-penis-in-vagina sex is icky, because one sentence in an old book tells them so. And the last is that “free speech” means they can get on their soapboxes and tell us we’re going to hell for thinking that all American citizens should have equal rights, and that we have to shut up and take it. Criticize what they say and somehow you’re agin’ free speech.

“Free speech” is not a blank check to say hateful bigoted things and be immune from criticism. The people who oppose the hateful bigoted things you say still get to make fun of you, or decide not to make you Miss Universe, or be happy when you die of natural causes and stop infecting the world with your particular brand of shittiness.

I hope Fred Phelps is next. Not because I really find him to be much of a threat — The Westboro Baptist Church is practically bankrupt; I think their sole source of income at this point is aggravating grief-stricken parents at the funerals they picket into shoving them, then suing them for penny-ante civil settlements. And Fred himself is so bugfuck crazy that he’s pushed himself right out of the mainstream evangelical spheres of influence. Even conservative politicians who privately agree with him won’t risk being tainted with his particular stench of lunacy by publicly supporting him, not if they have political aspirations higher than County Roadkill Clean-Up.

No, mainly I’m just curious to see who will picket his funeral. I used to say that I hope he lives a long time, because I like making fun of him. But you know, Shirley Phelps-Roper is waiting to fill his crazy shoes, and she’s just as insane (not to mention hideous-looking) as he is.

*via Daze.