sorry nice guys, but my first reaction is to cock punch you, not fuck you

Amanda Marcotte has an excellent post up about this execrable new meme of “young men writing signs extolling the joys of ‘natural’ beauty and taking photos of themselves with these signs, complete with wounded expressions conveying the pain they feel because the women of the world get dressed in the morning without thinking first of the preferences of these guys’ specific cocks.”

She hits all the salient points, the most obvious of which is that this is just more of the same ugly “ladies, men know what’s best for you” misogynist attitude. Scratch a Nice Guy, find a sexist. One who would run screaming from a woman with bed head, stubbly legs and greasy skin. They want us to have glowing skin, toned muscle and shiny hair–but hair-free bodies!–and be able to pretend that it all happened solely with the power of their love, and not with any help from slut-enablers like Revlon and the neighborhood gym.

Also troubling is the narrative that women only wear make-up–or do anything, really–so we can get a cock stuffed in us. But only if it leads to marriage and a hundred babies! Because women never fuck just for fun, like it goes without saying men do. It seems to be a completely alien thought to Nice Guys that some woman might wear cosmetics because they’re fun.

I know some of my female friends don’t like or use make-up, and I absolutely have no argument with that. Like anything else we do with our bodies, that is 100% a personal choice that is none of mine or anyone else’s business. But just know, eschewing it does not make you a better or more of a feminist than I am.

I’ve had problems with certain kinds of make-up in the past, like nipple blush. The problem with cosmetics is that at some point, society decided that only women got to use them, at which point it became another weapon against them. A better solution to this problem is not to try eliminating cosmetics–which, like pornography, have existed virtually as long as human civilization and are probably not going anywhere–but to once again make it socially acceptable for all genders. Which it has been for most of human history: cosmetics have until recently been a mark of class, not gender. They shouldn’t be a mark of anything now. I look forward to the day when a man can say “I don’t care to wear make-up”.

ETA:

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as might be expected of a make-believe science, “manthropology” does not rely on sissy facts

Dr. Temperance Brennan does not approve of your poor grasp of anthropolgy.

Dr. Temperance Brennan does not approve of your poor grasp of anthropolgy.

First it was evolutionary psychology, with its claims that women are genetically programmed to love pink and subversience to jerks. Since that’s been punched full of holes, the next wave of Science For Douchebags looks to be “Manthropology”.

So does it scientifically prove beyond a doubt that women are inferior, thus soothing the tiny, permanently bruised egos of Nice Guys™ everywhere? Sadly, no. In fact, I’m pretty sure Peter McAllister got his anthropology degree by sending $100 to an address he found scrawled on a truck stop urinal.

Our ancestors were apparently also better at beatdowns. Neanderthal women, says McAllister, had 10% more muscle mass than modern European men, and a Neanderthal woman could have beaten Arnold Schwarzenegger at arm wrestling (though her shorter forearm length sort of sounds like cheating).

My sole education in anthrolopolgy is from reading The Golden Bough while high, but even I can spot the glaring error here: Neanderthal is not modern Homo Sapiens’ ancestor. In other words, we did not evolve from them. They were a parallel branch that withered away because evolution selected brains (that would be us) over brawn.

Manthropology claims it’s (sort of) a joke; but as with jokes like “What’s the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman’s mouth? Einstein’s dick!”, there is a not very concealed bedrock of ugly misogyny holding it up.

shorter* nice guys

friends

Women exist soley to pleasure men, and they’re all culpable whenever some asshole can’t get laid!

*”Shorter” format stolen from Sadly, No!