shorter* ann althouse

thats_racist Comparing Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal to Ken the Page**, a fictional character whose manners, inflection, syntax, body language, accent, and southern folksy manner bear an uncanny resemblance to Jindal’s, is RACIST! Just compare him to Kumar or something, because at least they’re both Indian.

*”Shorter” format stolen from Sadly, No!.

**I was not the only person making this comparison, as I’m sure you know if you spent any time on the internet or watching late night television the day after Jindal’s speech.

welcome to fail town, governor jindal. population: you.

I don’t have a television at present, so I had to wait until this morning to watch both Obama’s speech, and the GOP “rebuttal” to it, as presented by Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana.

Having watched the latter, I have just one question: Does Gov. Jindal always sound like Kenneth Parcell addressing a classroom of special needs preschoolers? You know a conservative has blown it when even Faux News is like “Yeah, no… that sucked.” I won’t even bother to address the content, which was basically that working 80 hours a week for $1.50 an hour will save us from the Great Depresssion 2, wrapped in a lot of feel-good pablum. And things like volcano-monitoring and high-speed rail trains won’t help, because it’s all going to be done by magic, and therefore won’t create any jobs outside the very small Dark Wizard sector.

And for your information Gov. Jindal, people do still say that at any given time, half the state of Louisiana is under water and the other half is under indictment. For fuck’s sake, my mother said it last week.

brother, can you spare $100 million in federal buxx?

Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal may turn down $100 million in federal stimulus money. My jaw literally dropped when I heard about this. It’s transparently obvious that Jindal is bucking for either the veep or presidential slot on the ticket in 2012 — he was a possible veep nom for McCain last year, but had enough brains to see that Obama was going to win in a comical blow-out.

Look, all politicians, to one degree or another, are constantly manuevering for the next rung up the ladder. It’s just human nature, when you have a job that comes with a 2-4 year lifespan. I wouldn’t even argue with the conservatives who claimed that Obama started running for President the day he gave the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention in 2004. It’s just that that’s not necessarily a dealbreaker for me, because I think it is possible to “interview” for your next job while still actually doing the job you already have.

But Jindal is going to massively fuck over the people who elected him, just so he can say in 2012 that he never touched that dirty commie money. If citizens of Louisiana have to start living in their cars and eating a diet of ramen, so be it. My mother — who did NOT vote for Jindal — says he spends more time in other southern states these days than he does in Louisiana. He’s already campaigning. He’ll probably use the old “Are you better off today than you were 4 years ago?” line. By turning down the money, he gets to stick to the GOP talking points AND use the opposition’s “failure” to improve the lives of his constituents — which is really HIS failure — to his advantage. God, you almost have to admire it.

You know what kills me? The dumbfucks would probably re-elect him tomorrow, because hey! At least he’s agin’ abortion and fags gettin’ married! You know, the things that have no impact on our lives but which we are insanely obsessed with anyway!!

HuffPo makes the argument that GOP politicians who talk about refusing to accept stimulus money for their states are unpatriotic.

dear mom: your governor really is that pants-shittingly crazy. love, me.

My mother thinks Bobby Jindal “converted” to Catholicism (and not just RC, but the XXXtreme!!1! kind of Catholicism that advocates home-brewed exorcisms) to get ahead in Louisiana politics. But I’m starting to think that he really is just that crazy:

Governor Bobby Jindal signs castration bill. Upon a second offense of a variety of sexual crimes, offenders will be chemically castrated. I’m pretty sure that’s unconstitutional, not to mention ineffective: Chemically castrated offenders will often resort to object rape, because rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power. (I’m too drugged up on antihistamines to link anything to that, but you can Google it if you doubt.)

Here’s the truly insane bit (heh), though:

This bill also provides that a court may instead order a physical castration instead of the chemical castration.

Who wants to bet Gov. Jindal has a secret room in the Governor’s Mansion filled with jars of severed testicles? That’s bad juju!

this bizarre religious shit may fly in louisiana, with all the zombies and voodoo and severed chicken feet, but it won’t play in the heartland!

McCain/Jindal '08!One of the names that has recently been tossed around as a possible veep for McCain is Bobby Jindal, the current governor of Louisiana. He has a pretty impressive resumé (although honestly, Zombie Hitler With Cobras For Arms probably could have beaten Kathleen Blanco, after the massive clusterfuck that were Hurricanes Katrina & Rita).

More importantly, he’s the son of Indian immigrants and in his late 30s, thereby providing some balance to the “Crusty Old White Man” ticket. Hey, I’m not knocking it. Balance is the raison d’être of veep nominees.

Unfortunately for the McCain camp, it’s recently come out that Jindal is also quite possibly pants-shittingly crazy, having claimed in a 1994 essay he wrote for the conservative Catholic journal New Oxford Review that he once exorcised a female college “friend” with a bunch of other guys and cured her cancer. Why does this sound disturbingly like an excuse for date gang rape? “We swear officer, we thought she was possessed!

You have to have a paid subscription to read the essay at NOR, but Talking Points Memo has some juicy exceprts, including that Jindal initially began to have suspicions when the woman became depressed after the suicide of a close friend and her own diagnosis of skin cancer. Umm, Bobby? It’s pretty normal for people to act not quite themselves when life throws a double fistful of crap at them like that. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re possessed.

He also claimed to have smelled a sulfuric odor in her presense, and that the exorcism was precipitated by her having a seizure at a prayer meeting. Did we mention the cancer? So instead of calling 911 like rational people, naturally they all decided to dogpile on her and start chanting a bunch of religious mumbo-jumbo. As you do. The fact that she screamed and tried to run away is presented as proof of her demonic infestation, instead of as proof that she was terrified of these freaks who responded to a medical emergency by sitting on her and yelling a bunch of weird religious crap at her.

He’s a saint!