Shorter Doree Lewak

“I am desperate for male validation.”

Ms. Lewak seems like the kind of woman–sorry, the kind of “gal”–who sobs and cries out for daddy whenever she orgasms.

Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

feministWhat makes me sadder than book reviews of feminist works by obviously anti-feminist needledicks? Negative, seemingly purposefully ignorant reviews of such works by women who claim to be feminists. Usually when it will add another zero to their paycheck.

First, we have Elizabeth Wurtzel’s review of Rachel Simmon’s The Curse of the Good Girl. Just to let us know right off the bat what kind of head-splodingly crass and ignorant drivel we’re in for, she starts review off with a disgustingly classist/racist old wheeze: that academic standards have fallen ever since the fancy schools started allowing colored folk, Jews, and vagina-Americans to sully their ivy-covered halls. No, really, she actually says that:

Ever since the fancy schools started recruiting in the shtetl and the hood, elitism as a coherent narrative has declined to meaninglessness.

She also totally misses the point of the entire book, but that’s understandable. She was probably coked up and snorting crushed Ritalin off a hooker’s tits when she wrote this review, like she was when she wrote Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women. Which is most memorable nowadays for claiming Hillary Clinton is an irrelevant non-entity. You may remember her as the First Lady who became a New York senator, was thisclose to becoming the nations’s first female president, then was appointed Secretary of State. Yeah, nothing to see here, move along.

Then we have Charlotte Hays writing a sneering op-ed in The Wall Street Journal, claiming that feminists have our knives out for Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, because she got married. Because Eat, Pray, Love is some kind feminist manifesto. (Hint: Sarcasm! It is not. It’s the story of a self-absorbed wealthy white female Baby Boomer who “finds herself” while globetrotting in exotic locales. I found myself once, I was behind the ‘fridge the whole time.) And feminists are agin’ marriage. Which is silly, because secretly we all want a man to protect us from the scary world. Also, lesbians are a myth, like unicorns.

I’m sort of aghast that Mz. Hays sincerely seems to believe that feminists are keeping close tabs on Gilbert’s personal life and feeling personally betrayed by her relationship choices. I can’t speak for all feminists, but this woman barely registers on my own radar. I actually plan my own emotional responses around whether or not Lady GaGa is a hermaphrodite.

the daily mail: another reason to celebrate the 4th of july

That hideous rag The Daily Mail is currently running an essay by Rebecca Walker, the daughter of celebrated black feminist author Alice Walker. Apparently Rebecca would have been better off being raised by wolves, and she grew up to have, in the words of a former co-worker of mine, “issues like tissues”. Somehow, this is all feminism’s fault!

One of my biggest pet peeves is anti-feminists assigning way more weight to feminism than it actually has. The dictionary definition of “feminism” is the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men. That is all that it means.

It doesn’t mean that feminists have to hate men, leave their husbands, or spurn marriage. It doesn’t mean that feminists have to resent children, dismiss the idea of having them, or mistreat the ones they do have. It doesn’t mean feminists have to refuse to shave their legs or use make-up, feel guilty if they accomplish less with their lives than practice neurosurgery or write Pulitzer Prize-winning novels, or spend all their free time filing federal lawsuits and going on marches. It certainly isn’t, in the immortal crazed ranting of Pat Robertson “a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians”.

You can do all those things and be a feminist, of course, but it isn’t a requirement. The only requirement is the belief in the social, political, and all other rights of women being equal to those of men.

I’m sorry that Rebecca Walker thinks her mother interpreted this belief as permission to raise her daughter in ways that obviously emotionally damaged her. I’m sorry she seems to have had a terrible childhood and now has an irrevocably damaged relationship with her mother. But this is not feminism’s fault. Some people were unfortunate enough to have shitty parents and lousy childhoods long before the concept of feminism; this will no doubt continue to be true until that mythical, longed-for day when the human race achieves total perfection.