Hasta la vista, Maria! (Obvious joke is obvious.)

Sometimes I remember that for the last few years that I lived in California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was our governor. And then I have to think wait, did that actually happen, or was it just something I hallucinated as the result of one too many pot brownies?

Anyway, his official portrait was unveiled at the capitol in Sacramento this week, occasioning a bit of a sad trombone moment. It was painted when he was still in office—and still married to Maria Shriver—and features a hastily-retouched area. See if you can spot it! (Spoiler alert: Unless you are Mister Magoo, you will spot it.)


Apparently Maria Shriver originally made a cameo in the form of a lapel pin. Which seems weird to me, because are giant lapel pins in the shape of an actual person’s face really a thing? But she’s now the ex, so think of that sloppy dark-blue smudge as a history erase button. They couldn’t afford a better touch-up job? I know the state’s in a fiscal crunch and all, but this looks like they gave an intern a bucket of house paint and told him to make it happen.

(As always when I’m making fun of Governor Schwarzenegger, I feel compelled to point out that he wasn’t actually the worst governor the state ever had. He wasn’t even the worst in my lifetime. That dubious honor belongs to Pete Wilson, whose policy of energy deregulation is a straight line to Enron and the summer of rolling blackouts.)

Lomographers of Acadiana: Fort Jackson

April’s meetup had to be re-scheduled because of Granny’s funeral, so it was last Saturday. I chose Fort Jackson in Plaquemines Parish, a decommissioned masonry fort from the 1820s. There are a lot of those south of New Orleans, but most of them are closed right now because of Hurricane Isaac. I didn’t find anything online that said Fort Jackson was closed, and in fact there was a Civil War re-enactment there just a couple of weeks ago, so that must mean it’s open, right?

PICT0996, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

*bangs head repeatedly on nearest hard horizontal surface*

FUCKING LOUISIANA, I SWEAR. Of the many, many things that are annoying about this state, top of my list right now is that our parks and historic sites are constantly getting shut down due to hurricanes. And since fixing them up isn’t a budget priority, they stay shut for months or sometimes even years–and then by the time they get them open again, oh hey look out, here comes ANOTHER FUCKING HURRICANE. Katrina shut all the forts down for so long that they were only open for about 18 months before Isaac came along and shut them all down again.

What’s frustrating is there were still lots of people there; even just the outside is pretty interesting, and it’s right on the river. If they opened it and charged a small fee, they would probably have enough money to fix it up by the end of the summer. Maybe I’ll write a letter to whoever is in charge of parks and rec for the state. I’m not going to bother with Jindal, because he’s a Rethug douchebag who doesn’t give a shit about this state outside of how he can use it as a springboard to higher office. Good luck with that, brah.

However, driving through Plaquemines Parish gave me an idea for another shoot. I kept seeing signs for a town called Pointe a la Hache, which I thought sounded interesting, so I Googled it when I got home. It’s the parish seat, but it’s very near where Katrina made landfall, so it got pretty wrecked and only about 200 residents have returned since the storm. So it’s got kind of a ghost town vibe, and there are a lot of ruined buildings. The courthouse was damaged by arson over a decade ago and has been left as is, there’s been a “temporary” courthouse in nearby Belle Chasse since. The parish council has tried 3 times to move the seat to Belle Chasse, but it always gets rejected. Louisianans: we love to pay lip service about how much we cherish our history, but we don’t want to actually spend any money on preserving it. *sigh*

PICT1003, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

PICT1011, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

PICT1008, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

PICT1010, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

PICT1002, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

PICT0999, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

PICT1020, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

PICT1023, originally uploaded by pinstripe_bindi.

mourning is for pussies!

It’s not horrible enough that gun nuts immediately–like, IMMEDIATELY–starting blaming the victims of the Dark Knight shooting for getting themselves shot because they weren’t patriotic enough to pack heat 24-7. Apparently spraying bullets into a panicked crowd running around in a dark room at an assailant wearing a bulletproof vest would have saved lives, WHO KNEW.

But now I’m seeing this conspiracy theory that the shooter was trained and given his orders by Obama so he would have an excuse to steal ALL the guns. Yeah, no. Maybe it would make more sense if I had a tinfoil hat on?

I honestly didn’t get where all this rancid OBAMA IS COMIN’ FER YER GUNZS OOGA BOOGA paranoia is coming from. I mean, I’ve never heard him–or any other president elected in my living memory–lean heavily on a gun control platform. Obama isn’t some free love, acid-dropping peacenik. Like everyone else to occupy the White House since Carter, regardless of party, he’s well to the right of the center.

Luckily a Facebook friend of a Facebook friend, who is apparently some kind of LOLbertarian (he claimed with, as far as I could tell, the internet being a non-visual medium, a straight face that politicians are “constantly attacking our 2nd Amendment rights”) cleared it up for me: it’s entirely based on half a sentence spoken 4 years ago before Obama was even the party nominee, taken out of context. Namely, the infamous statement “They get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy toward people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.” Except in their minds, it stops at “guns” and concludes “…and I’ll break their grip if I have to break every one of their fingers”.

This is epically stupid on many levels, not the least of which is that this line had nothing to do with gun control or an assault weapons ban. Obama was pointing out the many ways that people who have been fucked by conservative policy get manipulated into voting against their own interests, and one of those ways is by making them think HEY THE OTHER GUY IS GOING TO TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS GUNS AWAY.

So thanks, dumbass. You just totally proved his point.

For a socialist god-hating pinko, gun control is actually pretty far down on my list. Much like the Seinfeld episode where Elaine is asked if she’s still anti-fur, my attitude is “Eh… who has the energy?” For whatever perverse reason, Americans are obsessed with guns, and I’d rather pick battles that can be won. At this point, I’d settle for closing the loopholes that allow teenagers, convicted felons, and the mentally ill to obtain them.

That being said, anyone insisting on their right to own assault weapons is always going to get the side-eye from me. Why not tanks and nerve gas, too?

The 2nd Amendment is a fossil from the Revolutionary era. Nowadays we have armed forces and police. Knowing a bunch of untrained morons are running around armed to the teeth doesn’t make me feel safer from, say, drug cartels. It makes me afraid of getting mowed down in the crossfire. (See: paragraph one.) Haven’t you ever seen a Tarantino movie? Whenever there’s more than 2 armed groups, everyone dies!

And as for the argument that we need assault weapons in case we have to overthrow the gubmint: I’m real sorry to bust your bubble Cletus, but you and Joe Bob and a few of your buddies aren’t going to be able to do shit against a military with nukes. If you hate the government that much, your best bet is moving to Somalia. They don’t have ANY government! HILLBILLY PARADISE!

shorter* mark ziegler:

Because I support Sarah Palin, she has to do everything I suggest.

See, this is the creepy dark side of the Cult of Sarah Palin. Because all the people worshiping her are conservative douchenozzles, they still think that, as a woman, she isn’t really allowed to make her own decisions.

Granted, whatever insane thing they come up with probably won’t be any more unhinged than the decisions she makes on her own–such as quitting halfway through her first term as governor. Because publicly not being able to hack governing a sparsely-populated, resources-rich state is always a springboard towards leading the free world! But it’s the principle of the thing.

They say they love and support her, but they wind up acting like every other controlling stalker freak convinced that the object of their obsession is sending them coded messages through their choice of eyeglass frames.

*”Shorter” format stolen from Sadly, No!.
Link found at Pandagon.

shorter* george w. bush: “kanye west is a big mean poopy-head”

George W. Bush called Kanye West’s “George W. Bush doesn’t care about black people” statement the worst moment of his entire presidency. Not 9-11. Not the sending of thousands of soldiers to die just so he could prove to his daddy who’s the bigger man. Not the hemorrhaging of jobs and money after 8 years of prosperity.

And not even the fact that he let an entire city drown. Hurricane Katrina wasn’t the worst moment of his presidency, being accused of racism was the worst moment.

Well, in Bush’s defense, I don’t think he particularly doesn’t care about black people. He doesn’t care about anyone who’s not a wealthy, corrupt crony of his. A lot of the people he doesn’t care about just happen to be black. So Kanye West was only wrong in that he didn’t point out all of the many subsets of people George W. Bush also doesn’t care about.

I suddenly feel the urge to tell Taylor Swift to sack up and stop whining.

*”Shorter” format stolen from Sadly, No!

don’t blame me, i voted for kodos

So I guess there was an election or something yesterday, whatever, I don’t care anymore. The Democrats were given a mandate and a huge majority and they wiped their asses with it, so they can pretty much suck it. I think I may be permanently burned out on politics. I mean, I voted; but only because for years I was one of those crabby broads who bawled about how you didn’t get to bitch about it if you didn’t vote. It was a hard choice betwen the Republican incumbent senator who’s anti-choice (and a total scumbag to boot) and the Democrat challenger who’s anti-choice.

Plus, I’m fucking sick and tired of trying to get shit like universal healthcare passed for the working class, who then go out and vote for ultra-conservative douchebags like Rand Paul*. I mean, yes, I’ve read What’s The Matter With Kansas?, and I know all the cheap cynical tricks that the GOP uses to get the undereducated to vote for them; but at the end of the day people have to be responsible for their own voting fucktardery. At the risk of being called OMG ELITIST (although to do so you would have to ignore the fact that I never even came close to finishing college and my credentials are solidly pink collar ghetto, but whatever helps you sleep at night), fuck ’em. They can spend the rest of their lives jerking off to Sarah Palin and Faux News and being cannon fodder for whatever war we’re going to fight next.

I think this may have finally motivated me to register at Meetup, though. It’s where my aunt found all her new friends when she moved to Laguna Niguel, which is nearly as conservative as Acadiana. This election has made me feel more than ever like a stranger in a strange land. I suppose I’m a little lonely. It took me a while to recognize the feeling, because I haven’t felt it in years.

**And don’t give me that crap about Rand Paul being a Libertarian. Libtards are just XXXTREME!!! Republicans who get to go “Don’t blame me, I’m a Libertarian!!” when the existing Republican power structure shits in all our milk.

you people need to look up jim fixx on wikipedia

Is there where I apply for the Supreme Court?

Is there where I apply for the Supreme Court?

Look, we all knew — upon hearing that Justice Souter plans to retire at the end of June — that whoever Obama nominated to replace him would be portrayed by conservatives as a Fascist-Commie combo of Genghis Khan and Andy Capp’s nagging wife Florrie (even if it was a man). The fact that knuckle-draggers like Mark Halperin immediately got a case of the vapors upon suggestion that hey, maybe the SOTUS could use another minority on it, was to be expected. Because the historical SOTUS justice line-up going from 99.9998% Old White Man to 99.9997% obviously means white males are going to become some kind of persecuted, under-represented minority in this country. That’s totally how that works.

What I did not expect — although in retrospect that seems naïve, since women’s bodies are routinely treated like a public commodity to be picked and haggled over by total strangers — is that the primary objection to the first two most obvious nominees (Solicitor General Elena Kagan and federal appellate judge Sonia Sotormayor) would be BUT OMG SHE’S FAT!!1!

Like all good Concern Trolling, it’s being dressed up as worry that fat (which, I must point out, neither of these women are) = unhealthy = they would probably keel over dead after a year or two. Funny how that’s never ever been an issue before. William Howard Taft, our nation’s fattest president (he once got stuck in a White House bathtub), went on to become Chief Justice of the SOTUS. He was approved 60-4, making it very unlikely that his weight was an issue.

Hell, black males have the shortest life expectancy of any gender/ethnic group in this country. I wonder what the conservative reaction would have been if anyone had pointed this out at Clarence Thomas’ nomination hearing? I’m sure they would have been totes cool with it! Stupid liberals, obsessing over pubic hairs on Coke cans. We wasted a golden opportunity to keep a bona fide lunatic off the bench!

norm coleman: the sorest sore loser who ever lost sorely

nelson-muntz2So after weeks of Norm Coleman throwing a tantrum and refusing to accept the inevitable, they’re finally recounting some “disputed” ballots in Minnesota… and Al Franken’s lead has gotten even wider as a result. Norm must not have realized they were going to be counting all the votes, not just the ones in his favor.

And now even conservative jerkbags like Ramesh Ponneru are like “Dude… stop, you’re just embarassing yourself”. I dunno Ramesh, I don’t think Coleman embarasses that easily. Have you seen his high school yearbook photo?

G20 straight pimpin’

Interest in politics + ironic love of vacuous American tween subculture + system crash at work – ability to do any actual work =


I think my favorite part is the wad of cash balanced atop Silvio Berlusconi’s head.

counterpoint!: meghan mccain is a vapid, simpering barbie

meghan-mccainYou guys, what is it about the McCains that makes so many liberals bend over and grab their ankles for them? A few years ago it was her father, but that wore off right around the time he decided to get serious about running for President. That necessitated he stop pretending to care that people who aren’t rich, white and male live in this country too, and start kissing some right-wing booty. And thus did the liberal’s love affair with him fizzle.

In the wake of the election, they’re now falling all over themselves to gush over Meghan McCain. I, on the other hand, see nothing to exclaim over in a girl who buried her own ideals so her Repuke parents wouldn’t cut her off, and who now makes the talk show rounds regurgitating her father’s talking points on the economic stimulus package. But when Rachel Maddow asked her a fairly simple question, Meghan’s response was to stick her finger in her mouth and titter that she didn’t take Econ 101 in college. So umm, please explain to me why the fuck we should care what you have to say?

Oh, but she’s so bwaaave for talking shit about Ann Coulter! Bitch, please. The only thing more played out than calling John McCain a “maverick” is dissing Ann Coulter. That shit is sooo 2004, and it’s about as brave as telling the awful truth about Santa Claus to a class of high school seniors. Anyway, Ann’s latest book is tanking; this little fauxtroversy is probably a windfall for her.

Unverifiable theory!: People like Meghan because she’s a cute blonde with a big rack. Poor Chelsea Clinton, no one gives a fuck because when we look at her, we still see the portrait of her White House years, all teeth and frizzy hair. (And I don’t say that to be cruel; I was as equally-if-not-moreso hideous when I was 13, as were the vast majority of teenage girls.) However, Chelsea fucked off back to whatever it is that rich young hedge fund managers do the red-hot second her mom was no longer a viable candidate, so probably she doesn’t need my pity.

And if Meghan McCain genuinely wants to reform the GOP from inside, all I can say to that is: Good luck with aaaaall that. We’re talking about a bunch of sweaty old white men who tanked your dad’s 2000 White House run by gossiping to all the southern states that he had an illegitimate black baby.

And that was almost a decade ago! They’re exponentially more clown-like and awful now. Now they’re tearing apart their actual leader for having the gall to admit that abortion is legal — not that it’s right, just that it is currently a legal medical decision women can make for themselves. And in the meantime, they’re nominally headed by a Viagra-gobbling sex tourist gasbag pillhead (Must. Not. Make. Cindy. McCain. Joke!).

So umm, have fun with your new BFFs, Meghan. Just don’t get too used to their company, because if the GOP continues this spiral down into laughable irrelevancy, 2008 was probably their last politically viable election.

Of course, there’s always a third possibility: That weaseling out of whatever beliefs you may hold in order to gain power is a McCain family trait. Meghan may just be a sharp strategist who’s angling for a big, sweet slice of the wingnut welfare pie. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t make all those appearances on Faux News for nothing more than blog traffic.

Previous Older Entries