the lizard people party have a simple platform of rodent-eating and world domination

lizardpeoplebMinnesota Public Radio has an interesting feature on their website: Some examples of challenged ballots in the tight Minnesota Senate race, with descriptions of who’s challenging them and why. You can even vote on who you think the vote should go to.

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god told me you’re all full of shit

god hates signsFew things amuse me more than hateful assholes who claim to have a direct line to God. This week’s it’s James Hartline (a “former” homosexual who was “cured” by God, which tells you all you need to know about him), who’s been spewing that the SoCal wildfires are the result of a wrathful God pissed about protests against Prop 8.

Each time homosexual activists attempt to force their agenda on California, there have been raging, massive, incinerating fires sweeping across the California landscape.

Today, people are running for their lives as 800 California homes have burned down and the firestorm is spreading like a nuclear holocaust. Yet, the radical homosexual anarchists rampage upon the streets of this state demanding the destruction of marriage and family, and the establishment of their socialistic dark vision for society.

Okay, first of all Jimmy Boy, there are “raging, massive, incinerating fires sweeping across the California landscape” every year. You can practically set your calendar to them.

Second of all, don’t you think the timing is a little suspicious here? How come God didn’t rain destruction down on California for the months that gay marriage was actually legal; or in the weeks running up to the election?

I hate to break it to you, but I speak to God too, and I must have a clearer connection than you, because He told me to tell you that the fires are punishment for the passage of Prop 8. Also, that you’re no fun at all ever since you stopped sucking dick.

Related: After pissing all their money away on the passage of an unconstitutional proposition that will certainly be overturned eventually, Focus on the Family has had to lay off hundreds of their pearl-clutching worker bees. Look, a tear.

senator ted stevens’ epically bad year gets worse

Happy Birthday, LOSER!

Happy Birthday, LOSER!

Ted Stevens (R-AL), convincted felon, turned 85 today. He also officially lost his Senate seat to Democrat Mark Begich, putting the Democrats 2 votes shy of a filibuster-proof majority, with 2 races (Georgia and Minnesota) still undecided. The fact that it was this close — and that initially Stevens was thought to have won — makes me wonder if we shouldn’t think about selling Alaska back to Russia.

Anyway, congrats to Florida! You are still officially the most retarded state in the union.

what’s API up to in the wake of the election?

Remember how some organization (which was really just a WordPress blog) called “African Press International” allegedly had a tape of Michelle Obama ranting about Whitey again, and all the conservitards were hanging onto it as their last slender hope of a McCain upset? Hey, whatever happened to API?

Answer: This is what happened.

nelson muntz schadenfreude

and fuck your magic underwear, too

fuckmormons

Sentiment against the LDS is running pretty high in certain California circles right now. As much as I admire groups like Mormons for Marriage and Feminist Mormon Housewives, I understand the feeling. Lest I be called a hypocrite for yesterday’s post where I said that bigotry could not be used to fight another type of bigotry, the backlash against black voters “passing” Prop 8 is mistaken, and that’s my main beef with it. Blaming the Mormons (by which I mean their church hierarchy, which poured $22 million into the Yes on 8 campaign) is not.

This week I find myself even more inclined to declare their religion, with its baptism of dead non-Mormons and North American Jesus and magical golden plates, to be a stupid crock of shit; and to cordially invite any Mormons that take offense at this to blow me. However, it should be noted that even during weeks where the mass of their congregants didn’t vote to strip a minority of my fellow Calfornians of their civil rights because of religious bigotry, I’m not shy about such statements.

I do wonder why Mormons who believe in same-sex marriage, or who disagree with any number of other crazy or ass-backwards church tenets don’t just pick up and find some other religion that doesn’t make their blood boil. But I guess it’s like the homophobes who will say of gay Californians, “Whatever, why don’t they just move to Massachussetts?” California is their home, and they’re not going to just give up and move somewhere else. Mormons who support same-sex marriage still consider themselves Mormons, which is a faith that’s always put enormous stock on heritage and ancestry. It would be nothing short of traumatic for a lot of them to leave their church. Instead they want to fight to make it a better church, and as much as the concept of magic underwear baffles me (and as much sarcastic shit that I, as an atheist, will always talk), I do applaud them for it.

But I ever get a certificate in the mail saying “Congrats, your beloved and deceased grandfather is now a Mormon!”, I’m going to tape it to a brick, set it on fire, and hurl it through the closest Temple window. You’ve been warned.

Worth watching: Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment on the passage of Prop 8.

I’ve heard all the stories about how Keith Olbermann is allegedly an overbearing bully with a comically inflated ego and issues with women. (Although his obvious respect for Rachel Maddow makes me doubt the last part, at least.) And you know what? I really don’t give a shit. The man has a way of saying everything that I wish I could, were I not too busy with all the forehead veins a-bustin’.

governator offers encouragement to prop 8 opponents; uses inevitable bodybuilding metaphor

 prop20820hot20guy

Dude, I so feel your pain.

Schwarzenegger publicly opposed Proposition 8, which amends the state Constitution to declare that “only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”

On Sunday, he urged backers of gay marriage to follow the lesson he learned as a bodybuilder trying to lift weights that were too heavy for him at first. “I learned that you should never ever give up. . . . They should never give up. They should be on it and on it until they get it done.”

Protests have been sprouting up all over the state since last week’s narrow passage of Prop 8, often centered around the Mormon and Catholic organizations which funneled massive buxx into the Yes on 8 campaign. Cue religious HELP HELP I’M BEING OPPRESSED whinging:

“When we saw them out there, we thought, ‘Why are they not over this? Do they think they’re going to change anything, or are they just stirring up trouble at our church?’ “

If someone knows how one is supposed to “get over” having your civil rights stripped away from you by religious bigots, please let me know.

In related news, the people that are blaming the passage of Prop 8 on African-Americans need to check their facts and shut the fuck up. Yes, 70% of black voters voted yes. Black voters make up about 10% of registered voters in the state. You know what other groups also voted yes — usually at higher rates than black voters, and none of them under 60% — most of which are larger groups than black voters?

  • Elderly voters
  • Republicans
  • Protestants
  • Catholics
  • People who regularly attend church of any kind
  • Married people
  • Parents of children
  • Gun owners

Prop 8 passed because of cynical exploitation of prejudice by out-of-state religious organizations pouring $$$ into an effort to impose their narrow version of Christian theocracy. You can’t fight bigotry with another kind of bigotry.

eat the press

We’ve all seen this, right?:

He went after that reporter like he was made out of ham!

Looks like SOMEONE is cranky at the prospect of being kicked out of the White House in order to make way for some adopted mutt. Oh dear lord, Obama is adopting a shelter puppy for his daughters, instead of buying some disease-raddled purebred from a Béla Károlyi-esque breeder? YOU WON, HOPEY. YOU CAN STOP BEING SO FRIGGIN’ NOBLE ALL THE TIME.

Oh god, it’s even more hilarious in in slo-mo:

You know what this reminds me of? Watching the pro- and anti-Palin factions of the tatters of the GOP savagely turn on each other. The antis- are leaking all kinds of fucktardery to the press (yes, even worse than what we saw during the actual campaign), including claims that Sarah Palin couldn’t name all the countries that signed NAFTA; thinks “Africa” is a country; and, most comical to me, an anonymous McCain aide has called her and her husband “Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast”.

(By the way, if you’re blue-collar and were stupid enough to vote Republican because Democrats are a bunch of fancypants elitists, pay attention: This is REALLY what the GOP thinks of you. They’ll praise “Joe Six-Pack” and “the real America” in their stump speeches and pretend to care about your culture wars to court your vote. Then the second they don’t need you anymore, they let their true disdain show. You are nothing to them but cannon fodder. Read What’s The Matter With Kansas? for further education.)

The pro-Palin faction, meanwhile, is advocating rounding up everyone who ever criticized her and putting them in death camps, or something.

Better lay in a huge stockpile of microwave popcorn, because the next 4-8 years are going to be awfully entertaining.

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