norm coleman: the sorest sore loser who ever lost sorely

nelson-muntz2So after weeks of Norm Coleman throwing a tantrum and refusing to accept the inevitable, they’re finally recounting some “disputed” ballots in Minnesota… and Al Franken’s lead has gotten even wider as a result. Norm must not have realized they were going to be counting all the votes, not just the ones in his favor.

And now even conservative jerkbags like Ramesh Ponneru are like “Dude… stop, you’re just embarassing yourself”. I dunno Ramesh, I don’t think Coleman embarasses that easily. Have you seen his high school yearbook photo?

this is why the internet was invented

Specifically: So the masses could see the best parts of a terrible Hong Kong action movie called Gen Y Cops, without having to purchase it or sit through the more boring parts.

Gen Y Cops stars a bleached-blonde Paul Rudd, who is clearly just paying the rent with this trash. I’m not sure which is funnier: the awful dialogue, or the stilted way in which Rudd delivers it. You can practically hear his burning interior shame. It’s okay, Paul. Not everything can be Wet Hot American Summer.

The last 90 seconds, from “The ROBOT!!” on, are pure (unintentional) comedy gold. Honorable mention: The scene where Rudd gets kicked in the face underwater.

hey, maybe the constitutional law professor won’t notice if we fuck up the oath of office!


Chief Justicin' is hard!

In between all the actual work President Obama (I FINALLY GET TO WRITE “PRESIDENT OBAMA”!) had to do yesterday on his first full day on the job, he also re-took the Oath of Office after mushmouthed Boy Wonder Chief Justice Roberts totally fucked up the wording during the swearing-in ceremony. Way to crap all over a historic American moment, retard.

The paranoid part of me is tempted to believe Roberts did it on purpose. No one of any importance paid attention to the wingnut election script of “Obama ain’t elly-jibble for the preznincy cuz he was borned in Africa/Indonesia/Planet Krypton!”

Plan B: Make him fuck up the Oath so he can’t be Preznint, mwahaha! …except that the President-Elect becomes President at noon on Inauguration Day, as specified in the Constitution, and the Oath is just a formality. Nah, even Faux News isn’t stupid and partisan enough to claim that, right?! …oh.

But one should never attribute to malice that which can be laid at the feet of simple fucktardery.

On a personal note, I would just like to say I was thrilled at the shout-out to “non-believers” that Obama gave in his Inaugural Address. Atheists are sick and tired of being treated like enemies of America. We love our country, too — enough to actually want to see the First Ammendment enforced and protected.

shorter* nate silver**


I rigged the election with my mad math skillz!

The kinds of GOP voters who put tattered pieces of cardboard scrawled with “Obama is a half-breed muslin” on their lawns during the election are mercifully dying off, in spite of their clown car style of breeding.

*”Shorter” concept stolen from Sadly, No!

**I know I’ve only ever used the “shorter” format to mock despicable idiots, but I actually quite admire Nate Silver.

i’m crying a big salty tear for the freepers


Supreme Court declines to hear wingnut “B. Hussein can’t be Preznit cuz he ain’t a real ‘Murican” case. The court denied the request without providing an explanation, which is common practice. Probably because “We aren’t going to hear it because it’s fucking crazy” isn’t real diplomatic.

Donofrio’s suit was one of a few around the country seeking to nullify the election, but his had a noteworthy case history: It was referred to the high court by Justice Clarence Thomas, the court’s only African American.

I don’t find that particularly ironic or surprising. Thomas proved years ago that his allegiance to batshit conservitardery far outweighs any solidarity he may feel with other people who happen to share his skin color.

There was no immediate comment from Obama’s transition team.

Again, probably because “Get a life, you fucking lunatics” isn’t very Presidential.

my mash note to the hottest 9 1/2-fingered man in washington


Perhaps a wee bit predictably, I’ve developed a slicky for Rahm Emanuel, our new skull-cracking White House Chief of Staff. What’s not to love? He’s an infamously hot-tempered, F-bomb droppin’, 9 1/2-fingered, former ballet dancer.

Oh, and the West Wing character Josh Lyman was based on him. This administration is like fanfic coming to life. Dr. Gregory House for Surgeon General!

If SNL ever grows a pair, Emanuel will be portayed by Andy Samberg — they cut this skit from last week’s show, in which Samberg/Emanuel threatens to “end” his opponents and calls Joe Lieberman a “turncoat”. Maybe they’re afraid the portryal was a little too accurate. This is the man who once sent a dead, rotting fish to a pollster who pissed him off — God only knows what he’d mail to Lorne Michaels.

Of course, one has only truly arrived on the internets when someone sets up a “facts” website about you. The best part about Rahmbo’s? The facts (“Rahm jumped onto a table after the 2006 midterms and shouted that the GOP can go fuck themselves”) are all 100% true, and even link to news articles to prove it.

Related, and awesome: Rahmblr, the tumblog of all things Rahm-related.

shorter* jonah goldberg: “being called a mean name is totes worse than being reduced to a second-class citizen in your own country”


Hate crime!

The real vicitms of Prop 8 are the Mormons; even though they thought it up, poured $22 million into its passage, and it has no discernible affect on their lives at all.

*”Shorter” concept stolen from Sadly, No!

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