don’t pepper spray me, bro!

I don’t do Black Friday. And not out of “anti-materialism”, which frankly comes across as just like conservatives clutching their pearls because poor people might have cell phones. Yes, it’s naked manipulation of the working classes by the capitalist machine, but the consumers are the victims here and they don’t deserve knee-jerk liberal sneering. Most of them aren’t so dumb that they don’t realize they’re being manipulated, but this might be their one chance a year to make their kid happy. Or afford to buy diapers in bulk.

No, really I just prefer spend my day after Thanksgiving sleeping in and gorging on turkey sandwiches and pie. Insane crowds give me panic attacks, and I really don’t like being pepper sprayed. (Pandagon has an interesting post up about how this incident says more about the acceptance of casual torture in our society than about consumerism. Police are using it, and tasers, not to fight crime, but to punish people they perceive as not falling into line. Pretty soon people are going to start using it on people standing too close in the ATM line and snooty waiters.)

Anyway, yesterday after work I put $300 on my re-loadable Visa, went home and booted up ye olde internette, and was done with virtually all of my Christmas shopping in about 10 minutes. (I just have to go to one store for a gift card.) I TOTALLY FUCKING ROCK. I don’t think I’ve EVER been done with all of my shopping before December 1 before. I got totally kick-ass gifts for everyone too, although I don’t want to say what they are since some family members might read this.

p.s. Email or PM me your addy if you want a Christmas card, those are going in the mail next week. I got PC “Season’s Greetings” cards, so you needn’t hesitate if you celebrate some other winter holiday. I got you covered.


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