watchin’ donny beat nazis to death is the closest we ever get to goin’ to the movies

I put this movie in my Netflix queue last December, and I only got it yesterday. :O

You guys, I don’t know. On one hand, if there’s one group of people we can still unabashedly cheer getting their heads cracked open by a Louisville slugger-wielding Eli Roth, it’s Nazis. Obviously. (He’s an even worse actor than he is a director, though. Holy balls. How can a guy from Newton, MA do such a lousy Baaastaaan accent? He sounded like the unholy spawn of Chuckie Sullivan and like, Bugs Bunny. Wicked retahded!) I hope I never live to be old enough to hear some patchouli-reeking hippy be all “Nazis were people, too! Now join hands and sing ‘Kumbaya’!”

On the other hand, I’m not sure we should be getting this cartoonish about WWII just yet. I mean, there are lots of people who lived through this hell that are still very much alive. It seems kind of disrespectful to the soldiers who fought their way across half of Europe to suggest it could have been solved with some funny accents and a lit cigarette.

Also: YOU FORGOT EICHMANN! “Architect of the Holocaust”! Hopefully this is because Tarantino is going to make a movie about how he was “extradited” by the Mossad. Basically they went to Buenos Aires, stuffed him into a bag, and kidnapped him. Israel: “International law is for everyone else!” since 1960.

On the other hand, fuck Eichmann.

Basically, I enjoyed this movie but feel kind of bad about it. CONVINCE ME I’M WRONG, INTERNET.

I also feel somehwat guilty for thinking that Christoph Waltz was by far the most awesome thing about this movie. He just totally stole every scene he was in. I like how he never shouted or lost his temper, because true evil is always cool to the touch.

Also, and I feel HIDEOUSLY CONFLICTED about even admitting this, but… SS uniforms were hot. WHAT DON’T HATE ME I’M NOT SAYING THE NAZIS WERE CORRECT ABOUT ANYTHNG OTHER THAN UNIFORM DESIGN OKAY. Fun fact: the SS uniforms used between 1932-1942 were designed by Hugo Boss.

He's bringin' Nazi back.

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