I’ve been seeing previews for this for weeks but wasn’t interested, as it looks like another Twin Peaks rip-off, and will likely be as successful as every other Twin Peaks rip-off of the past 20 years (average # of eps before cancellation: 3.5). ABC is even flogging it as “from the network that brought you Twin Peaks“. Yeah, and then forced Lynch and Frost to reveal way too much way too soon and gave us that wretched abortion of a second season. Networks: Ruining quirky shows about quirky people in quirky towns for 20 years!
But there are a lot of people in it that I recognized — Sam Neill, Amy Acker, and that menacing Other M.C. “Give us the boooooy” Gainey — so I went ahead and DVR’d it last night.
It’s hard to judge a show by its pilot. It felt really forced and like there was just too! much! stuff! in it, but that’s usually par for the course. I hope Amy Acker gets something more interesting to do than be a fucking housewife, god. I mean I’ve seen her be a mad scientist who escaped from being sucked into another dimension where she was enslaved by terrible hellbeasts, before being possessed by some kind of primeval time-traveling socipathic goddess. With blue hair. Then in her next show she was a fembot/mad scientist surgeon. MOAR MAD SCIENCISM, is what I’m saying here.
The male lead is really borZZZzzzzz*snort* Sorry, I fell asleep for a minute there. But you know, I felt that way about Anna Torv for the first few eps of Fringe, and she really grew on me. That’s at least because Abrams and the wardrobe department dress her like a real fucking FBI agent, in dark suits and very little make-up and SENSIBLE FUCKING SHOES. I love Scully, but those 3 inch clunkers she used to run around in made me grind my teeth into dust.
The only character I really enjoyed right off the bat is Sam Neill’s. In fact, I was with the TWOP reviewer that said the show was “about as exciting as watching bread rise”, until I got to this part:
Why do they spend so much time trying to make me think that Sam Neill is sexy?
This is where you and I part ways, missy. I would sex his geriatric Kiwi ass six ways to Sunday. (Yes, Neill is not Australian, but is in fact from New Zealand. Little Known Fact!) Although his character seems kind of gay; but maybe that’s just because he’s playing him very Old Hollywood Sinister, which sadly usually came off as gay. Which tells you something about the high opinion which Old Hollywood held for its many hard-working hair and make-up guys.
Anyway, verdict: Not terribly impressed, but willing to give it a few more eps to see if they work the bugs out. Still, you, Josh Appelbaum, are no David Lynch. I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR.