shorter* ny daily news

LOL, bitches be shopping.

Last week, The NY Daily News ran one of those finger-wagging pieces about how all women are flighty ninnies who spend an average of three years of their lives shopping. Even though women are expected to be flawlessly put-together in our society, lest they be taken for scruffy, unkempt lesbians**, we still get to mock them for making the effort!

However, those three years are not spent desperately searching for the perfect pair of Manolos, although this is conveniently buried in the very last paragraph:

It isn’t just hunting for accessories or clothing that sucks so much time – each year, women spend nearly 95 hours shopping for groceries, the study showed.

WOW. So not only do you get to make fun of women for engaging in a behavior in which they are subtly and not-so-subtly encouraged/forced by societal expectations to engage in, you get to pad your numbers by including something as basic as shopping for food to put on the table. A chore which, in 99 cases out of a 100***, defaults onto the female half of the couple even when both parties are working full-time jobs.

They even include window shopping, which is copious amounts of bullshit. I deserve to be made fun of for looking in the window of a store at a dress while I’m walking into the bookstore next door? Where I went to buy a book that will help me decide if a certain religion is right for me, an entirely respectable notion in our society. God, FUCK YOU, NY Daily News. (I need a religion where I can still invite news organizations to copulate with themselves.) Although I suppose even buying that book would be worthy of derision, since all shopping is equally frivolous — so long as it’s being done by women.

Not to mention, with the invention of/widespread access to the internet, I’m guessing EVERYONE, of any gender, in a developed nation spends at least an hour a day idly looking at and researching things they might like to one day own. Or even daydreaming about things they probably never have a chance of owning. Hell, sometimes I like to “shop” for private islands and castles. No, really!

I would be willing to bet the rest of my unemployment claim that TNYDW also included shopping for new couches, cleaning products, clothes for the children, vacation plans, and basically everything that involves money being exchanged for goods and services. Except for cars, BBQ grills, and electronics, which are the only things society allows men to shop for without making them feel in danger of their penises withering away.

*”Shorter” format stolen from Sadly, No!.

**Please don’t leave me angry comments about how I’m an OMGHOMOPHOBE. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian, or that all lesbians look like lumberjacks. I’m saying that the patriarchy we live in tends to group women into categories of nice-looking girls (marry), heavily made-up sluts (fuck), and yucky dykes (kill).

***I don’t want to hear any NotMyNigeling, please. I’m glad you are able to ignore societal expectations and maintain a perfectly equal relationship. Most people aren’t.


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