depression sucks

Feels like fall at last:
Fat squirrel runs up a tree,
acorn in its mouth.

I’ve felt kind of depressed lately. Part of it is unemployment, part of it is the fact that my life is kind of on hold. I can’t really look for work until after the holidays, because I’m going to be in Louisiana for 2 weeks, and I’m not really sure if I’ll be moving there or staying in California.

It’s not the I WISH I WAS DEEEEEEEEEEEAD kind of depression, more the kind where I’m always tired and don’t seem to take any joy in anything. That’s why I really got obsessed with the softies/felties, because it was the only thing that really interested me. I’ve barely journaled in the past month, and I haven’t taken any photos. I never even finished the roll of redscale in my Oktomat. Considering it was both a film I’ve never shot in before and a camera I’ve never used, I should have had that done and off to the lab weeks ago. I also have 4 rolls of 120 from my Holga that I shot last summer in Louisiana that I never had developed.

So starting now I’m making an effort to re-connect with the stuff I usually like.

  • I will write at least a half a page in my journal every night.
  • I re-read The Essential Haiku, Basho’s Narrow Road, and Japanese Death Poems (not all of which are haiku, but a great many are), and will compose at least one haiku per day.
  • Before leaving for Louisiana I’m going to finish the rolls that are in the Oktomat and Instax, and send those rolls of medium format off to be developed. Plus I’m really hoping that I get the Golden Half camera I asked for for Christmas, because nothing renews your sense of purpose in analogue photography like a new toy.
  • Working on Christmas presents is forcing me to do needlecrafts, so that’s taken care of. I’m going to try making some ribbon embroidered handkerchiefs, which is something I’ve never tried before. Trying something new is always exciting, although there’s always the possibility that I will be terrible at it or hate it (as happened when I learned to knit).
  • I haven’t even been cooking much lately, but this weekend I am going to whip up a huge batch of Japanese curry with rice, onions, carrots, celery, and beef.

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