this is why the internet was invented: PSAs from the 1980s

This PSA telling geeky weaklings how to deal with bullies (Come on, didn’t they have tasers back then?) appears to hail from the mystical era sandwiched between Reagan and Clinton, otherwise known as “Bush I”. (1990-early 1992 was still the ’80s as far as I’m concerned, I hadn’t graduated high school yet.)

It starts out making sense, if the advice “Don’t dress like you’re in a gang” really means “Don’t dress like a junior member of the Billionare Boys Club” (What, it was topical!). But the overall message seems to be “Nerds! Freak out and face-elbow anyone who approaches you!!” See, this is why you don’t have any friends. You didn’t even let that alleged bully get a word in edgewise before you resorted to slapping him in the groin and running away. Maybe he just wanted ask you where you got that radical slap bracelet or if you wanted to play pogs. OH GOD I’M OLD.

However, throwing candy in someone’s face is a totally normal reaction and will now be my default response to every situation.

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