dan riehl, genius detective

It took some doing, but I believe I have found Dan Riehl's sense of decency!

It took some doing, but I believe I have found Dan Riehl's sense of decency!

Have you heard about Bill Sparkman? If not, I can hardly blame you, since the Librul Meedja* is going to ignore the increasing corrosion of society by conservative bile until it results in something they can’t possibly ignore, like… you know what, I was going to put “assassination” here, except that’s basically what happened to Bill Sparkman, and they’re still ignoring it. An assassination of someone more famous than a mere Census worker, I guess. (Gawker knows what I’m talking about. I’m just scared to actually write the phrase here, because I’d rather avoid any wacky misunderstandings with the Secret Service.)

Now, you might be forgiven for thinking that the lynching of a Census worker who was found with the word “FED” carved into his chest might be more than tangentially related to the spittle-flecked rantings of just about every conservitard talking head out there (and the more mentally unbalanced elected Republicans like Michele Bachmann) about how ACORN is going to use the Census data to imprison every citizen who doesn’t swear on the Koran to practice sodomy and eat arugula, or something.

Luckily for your ignorant ass, Dan Riehl is on the case! And he’s concluded that Sparkman’s murder was retribution for his pedophilia, based on the fact that his corpse was found naked and that he had curly hair. No, really. That is Riel’s sole “reasoning” for smearing the reputation of a martyred teacher, father, Eagle Scout, and cancer survivor.

Wait a minute! That means that James Byrd (curly hair, stripped naked during murder) was also a peophile! Rest easy, Jasper, Texas. You didn’t lynch an innocent black man in the worst, most disgusting incident of racial violence since  Jim Crow ended. Instead, you rid your town of a kiddy-diddler! Yay!!

In fact, pretty much every black man ever lynched was stripped and had curly hair. Wow, someone tell Howard Zinn that he needs to ammend The People’s History of the United States. All that lynchin’ wasn’t about racism, it was about protecting the children! I feel so much better now.

*Note: This is sarcasm. Anyone who still seriously claims that the media has a liberal bias needs to be pelted with rocks. Heavy ones.

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