“i get it for the articles” is no longer a valid excuse

Attempting to grope for some kind of 21st century relevance, Playboy published an article by Guy Cimbalo, about the conservative women he’d like to rape. (He used the term “hate-fuck”, but that actually implies consent between both parties, something Cimbalo doesn’t seem to feel is necessary.) I’d link it, but Playboy has been furiously scrubbing all eveidence of its existance in the face of total visceral disgust from both parties and genders. They’re probably dispatching an army of PAs armed with white-out to the nation’s news stands as I write this. Guys, just stick to hi-fis and martinis and turtlenecks, okay? You’ll still look stupid; but at least it’s a retro, genteel kind of stupid.

Lest you feel a bizarre, alien urge to sympathize with the right wing bloggers, never fear! In lieu of class and dignity — qualities rarer among them than a Republican Congressman without a meth-with-underage-panda-furries fetish — they have fallen back on their traditional method of trying to cover up dirt by flinging poo at it instead. The line of defense they’ve decided on is to screech about how much hawter their wimminz is then librul wimminz. The saddest part is that they’re attempting to prove this with a barrage of headshots that are at least a decade out of date. Like this one of Debbie Schlussel that they’re all using:


Nice Chola make-up!

Which ignores the fact that in the intervening years, Mz. Schlussel has sprouted another chin*, and has downgraded her maquillage from “Fierce” to “Mask of Wet N’ Wild that looks like it belongs on a drunken 14-year-old trailer park tranny”:

Trowels are for PUSSIES, I use a snow shovel!

Trowels are for PUSSIES, I use a snow shovel!

I see she hasn’t lost her taste for pleather, though.

These allegedly fine-looking women are just going to waste anyway, since most of them are beards. They’re also a bunch of hot air-filled talking heads who do nothing but get fat on the wingnut gravy train. Whereas the “ugly” Democrat women include Secretaries of State, serious presidential candidates, and members of Congress. Really tells you something about what’s important to men on the right when it comes to women.

*”Don’t jump all over my tits for fat-bashing. I’m only saying that the conservitard pukes writing these articles would make fun of a woman for gaining weight in middle age, not that I would.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ubuntucat
    Jun 04, 2009 @ 16:09:22

    Didn’t Cynthia Heimel used to have a column in Playboy? It’s a shame their articles have gone from Alex Haley interviews to this…

  2. pinstripebindi
    Jun 04, 2009 @ 16:18:15

    She did indeed. According to Wikiepdia: “Her column was ended around 2000 when the editors of Playboy expressed concern that Heimel’s feminist attitudes would put off male readers.” Which tells you everything you need to know about the average reader of Playboy. Eww, women who insist on being thought of and treated as human beings are bonerkillerz!

  3. Jennifer K
    Jun 06, 2009 @ 11:26:01

    I love Cynthia Heimel. She’s been a favorite of mine since I read “Sex Tips for Girls” when I was in high school.

    On-topic: Speaking of right wing bitches, I’ve noticed they have only two types of looks, frumpy or floozy. On the frumpy side we have Kathryn Jean Lopez and Phyllis Schlafly. On the floozy side we have Ann Coulter and Pamela Geller.

    And I swear, Debbie Schluessel has to be some kind of weird Red State performance art. She’s just too insane and stupid to take seriously.

  4. pinstripebindi
    Jun 08, 2009 @ 09:07:31

    I would put Ann Coulter more on the “suspiciously masculine” side. But all the white ones have that same nasty overbleached hair.

    Have you ever heard Debbie Schlussel speak? She sounds like the hooker from The Man With Two Brains. “Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Oil, Oil, Oil!”

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