you people need to look up jim fixx on wikipedia

Is there where I apply for the Supreme Court?

Is there where I apply for the Supreme Court?

Look, we all knew — upon hearing that Justice Souter plans to retire at the end of June — that whoever Obama nominated to replace him would be portrayed by conservatives as a Fascist-Commie combo of Genghis Khan and Andy Capp’s nagging wife Florrie (even if it was a man). The fact that knuckle-draggers like Mark Halperin immediately got a case of the vapors upon suggestion that hey, maybe the SOTUS could use another minority on it, was to be expected. Because the historical SOTUS justice line-up going from 99.9998% Old White Man to 99.9997% obviously means white males are going to become some kind of persecuted, under-represented minority in this country. That’s totally how that works.

What I did not expect — although in retrospect that seems naïve, since women’s bodies are routinely treated like a public commodity to be picked and haggled over by total strangers — is that the primary objection to the first two most obvious nominees (Solicitor General Elena Kagan and federal appellate judge Sonia Sotormayor) would be BUT OMG SHE’S FAT!!1!

Like all good Concern Trolling, it’s being dressed up as worry that fat (which, I must point out, neither of these women are) = unhealthy = they would probably keel over dead after a year or two. Funny how that’s never ever been an issue before. William Howard Taft, our nation’s fattest president (he once got stuck in a White House bathtub), went on to become Chief Justice of the SOTUS. He was approved 60-4, making it very unlikely that his weight was an issue.

Hell, black males have the shortest life expectancy of any gender/ethnic group in this country. I wonder what the conservative reaction would have been if anyone had pointed this out at Clarence Thomas’ nomination hearing? I’m sure they would have been totes cool with it! Stupid liberals, obsessing over pubic hairs on Coke cans. We wasted a golden opportunity to keep a bona fide lunatic off the bench!


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