videos that go viral usually appeal to the cultural sensibilities of racist 6th graders*

Kill it with fire!

Kill it with fire!

Why is everyone acting as if Susan Boyle is some kind of grotesque gargoyle? Like, if she couldn’t sing, we’d all be justified in trying to light her on fire if she dared to show her hideously unbecoming form in public. She looks totally normal to me.

People, if someone who looks like Susan Boyle would make you stop, point, and shriek at her on the street, à la Invasion of the Body Snatchers, you need to turn off your teevee/computer, put down Us Weekly, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that 99% of humanity doesn’t actually look like Zac Efron and Megan Fox (ie. vapid and whorey). Chances are very big that you don’t, either.

Most people didn’t hit some kind of genetic lottery; then go on to employ a small army of physical trainers, dieticians, make-up artists, and hair stylists. Most people don’t work out 8 hours a day and barely survive on a diet of macrobiotic dust. Most people don’t have regular access to million-dollar designer clothing and diamonds the size of a racoon’s brain. Most people aren’t airbrushed and photoshopped into something resembling a plastic blow-up sex doll every time their photgraph is taken. Because for most people, looking flawless is not in their job description, and unless they’re clinically narcissistic, they can’t be arsed to do any of that.

I don’t understand why it isn’t enough to go “Holy shit, this regular woman no one’s ever heard of can fucking sing like an angel!”, instead of having to imply that she’s a disgusting troll, and good thing she can sing or we’d have to tie to her an anvil and chuck her off a bridge!

*Title shamelessly swiped from Productivity Decreaser.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Bummble
    May 01, 2009 @ 10:34:08

    I couldn’t agree more!

    (here because I’ve just bought a Diana+, and I’m reading up on it – plus, I really like your other entries, too! 🙂

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