british government to women drinkers: “slow down, little ladies!”

fatherknowsbest_s2 Starting next month, British bars will be forced to offer smaller wine glasses, in an effort to cut down on binge-drinking by women. Because you know us gals, we’re just brainless flighty ninnies who don’t realize how much we’re drinking. We’d certainly never choose to over-imbibe; and we always drink wine and not, say, scotch. The hard stuff’s for teh menz! We need to be gently restrained by our patriarchal government, lest we inadvertantly get a little tipsy and overcook the Sunday roast.

Wow, this is epic bullshit on so many levels. For one thing, if women want more wine, they’re just going to order a second or third fucking glass. In fact, at first I thought this was a ploy to sell more wine (I very much doubt the prices are going to be getting smaller) — does Great Britian have lobbies? But I see pubs are protesting the new guideline too, because it will force them to buy smaller glasses, and their businesses are already hurting in this shitty economy.

For another thing, most women, when they go out drinking in groups, don’t order by the glass anyway. We order bottles, and smaller glasses aren’t going to do a fucking thing to lessen the amount of wine drunk, unless you can get international wine makers to start making smaller bottles. Somehow, I don’t see that happening.

Besides, you aren’t supposed to fill wine glasses right up to the top. They’re big on purpose, because they’re only supposed to be filled halfway. Wine isn’t Diet Coke, you aren’t supposed to just slurp it down. It’s supposed to have a large exposed surface area to let it breathe and allow the drinker to enjoy the aroma. Don’t punish vinophiles* just because some people — of all genders — drink it like pigs at a trough!

*This not the actual word for wine-lover, but I can’t remember what is.

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