where’s the love, paste?

Is that a bee??

Is that a bee??

Paste Magazine has released their 29 most anticipated films of 2009, leading me to ask: Whither Nic Cage, Paste? Of the 10 (10!!!) films listed under his name at IMDb with a scheduled release date in 2009, not one appears on this list.

The answer to this condundrum is, of course, that all 10 of these movies are going to heinously suck; and are being anticipated by no one other than ironic douchebags like me (and my fellow Cage-lover Natasha), with the possible exception of Nic’s mom. To take one at random, let’s examine G-Force. You’d be forgiven for getting excited at the title alone, thinking that maybe it’s a movie version of the old Japanese cartoon; or perhaps a hilariously overdone summer action blockbuster à la Con Air?

Wrong! It’s an animated movie about a specially trained squad of guinea pigs that are dispatched to stop a diabolical billionaire from taking over the world. *sad trombone*

Unfortunately, it appears as if 2009 will once again deny Natasha and I of our fantasy Nic Cage projects: While Natasha is holding out for a sequel to the The Wicker Man remake titled Wicker Man 2: All The Bees Come Back, I want to see a movie based on his riveting series of Japanese pachinko commercials.


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