campari: mixes great with body image issues!


You probably thought Jessica Alba was hot, right? Wrong! She’s a fucking dog! At least according to Campari, who paid her to pose for an ad… then whittled away her waist, hips, and thighs; darkened her tan; pumped up her boobs; changed the direction of her eyes; erased her Mona Lisa smile and plastered a come-hither snarl onto her face; and made her hair more wind-blown. Stupid unsexy stationary hair!

Why do actresses allow their images to be Photoshopped into something resembling plastic sexdolls to hock booze and cheap drugstore make-up? Is the money really that good? Granted, Alba probably doesn’t have tons of personal dignity, judging by the awful movies on her CV (including The Love Guru, one of the most universally reviled crapfests of the decade). But even respected actresses — even respected actors! — are routinely given the Photoshop of Horrors treatment.

They should follow Kate Winslet’s admirable example: After a hack job for Vanity Fair that left her virtually unrecognizable, she only agreed to be the face of Lancôme’s Trésor perfume if they promised not to airbrush her. Of course, Kate Winslet can probably command that kind of obedience, because she’s Kate friggin’ Winslet. If Jessica Alba tried it, Campari would probably just throw her out on her ass, and get some other freakishly puffy-lipped flavor-of-the-year to whore herself out.

If actors really need the extra buxxx that badly, they should go the slightly less humiliating route of making bizarre Japanese commercials.


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