colds from hell, movies from hell


So, I haven’t been around much for the past several days. That’s because by Thursday morning my sore throat and sniffles had morphed into a chest/sinus combo cold that turned every orifice in my body north of my sternum into a phlegm-producing factory. A couple of times I blew my nose and, no fucking lie, snot came out of my eye. I mean, it’s all connected so maybe it isn’t that weird, but it was still gross and upsetting.

It’s this odd weather. It was getting cold and November-y, then all of sudden the temperature shot up like it was June. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday it was, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest, about 80 degrees. Maybe even low-80s. My body can’t take it when the weather flip-flops all over the god damn place. Plus it’s always like a fucking meat locker in my office.

So I haven’t done much since last week except lie in bed and watch teevee. Oh, except for when I HAD to go out Friday for groceries, because there wasn’t a thing to eat in the house. That was fun, I was sweating profusely the entire time and felt on the verge of fainting more than once.

One good thing came of it: On Friday night I watched Suspiria on TCM, which is sort of like my white whale. I saw it about 15 years ago and it freaked me out so badly I’ve been afraid to watch it since, even though I wanted to. It really wasn’t that bad, I suppose because I knew when all the really fucked up parts were about to happen, and I could concentrate on other things. For instance, did you know it was the last film processed in Technicolor? That explains why I remember it as being so drenched in color, especially red. Also, Udo Kier’s obvious dubbing cracked me up — it wasn’t even his voice.

I think the version I saw before must have been some kind of director’s cut though, because I swear I remember scenes that were missing, and TCM doesn’t edit their movies. During the first murder, for instance, I seem to remember this almost lovingly gory slow pan up Pat’s friend’s body that shows the sheet of stained glass embedded in her head, and that was missing. And also the scene where Daniel’s seeing-eye dog bites that creepy Village of the Damned-looking nephew was missing, so it kind of doesn’t make sense when he gets killed.

Normally this kind of sadistic misogyny in horror movies aggravates me, but almost all the characters were female, so what are you going to do? Besides, the heroine is female, and she avoids all the traditionally stupid things that women do in horror movies, so that kind of evens things out, Y/N? Also, why was fake blood so ridiculously bright in horror movies from the ’70s? It looked like melted lipstick. The only movie from that era that had at all realistic-looking blood was Carrie.


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