drop the soap all you want ted, no one’s interested in your wrinkly white ass

YOUR MISERY IS DELICIOUS TO ME

YOUR MISERY IS DELICIOUS TO ME

Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens found guilty of all seven felony counts of ethics violations. Gee, I wonder how this will affect his chances at re-election next week?

Stevens blamed what he called repeated misconduct by federal prosecutors for the verdict. “I will fight this unjust verdict with every ounce of energy I have,” he said.

OH GOD, PLEASE DO. See, if he just accepted the verdict, he could probably get Bush to issue last-minute clemency, in between removing the “O” key from all the White House keyboards and packing up his Segway.

But if he appeals, it’s almost certain not to be resolved until well after our next President is sworn in (*coughObamacough*), and I’m pretty sure you can’t issue retroactive pardons. (Someone please correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve never heard of it happening.)

Just for old time’s sake, let’s watch this techno remix of Steven’s infamous “series of tubes” speech:

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