some potentially huge stories i ignored last week because obama is an attention-whore

1. Robert “the Prince of Darkness” Novak hit an old hobo pedestrian with his black Corvette on Wednesday and tried to flee the scene. Black Corvette? Bob, you are not 19 and this is not 1986. Get an Oldsmobile. He claimed not to have seen the pedestrian, even though the victim was reportedly “splayed onto the widshield” of the convertible.

Novak, who is notorious in DC for aggressive driving, once screamed “Learn to read the signs, [bodily orifice]!” at a jaywalker and later told WaPo, “I really hate jaywalkers. I despise them. Since I don’t run the country, all I can do is yell at ‘em. The other option is to run ‘em over, but as a compassionate conservative, I would never do that.” But apparently hitting people who are crossing on the walk signal is totes kosher.

2. The National Enquirer is reporting that John Edwards has a mistress and a “love child”–how quaint! Democrat sex scandals are sooo boring. None of them ever gets popped for trolling for anonymous gay sex in restrooms or sucking somone’s dick in their sleep. Gawker is wagging their finger at the MSM for ignoring the story, because apparently the tabloid that gets sued for libel repeatedly is a bastion of journalistic integrity.

3. On the eve of The Dark Night’s premiere, Christian Bale got into a shoving match with his mother and swore at his sister on the set of T4. Reportedly this was his response to Mom Bale insulting Mrs. Bale because Mr. Bale wouldn’t give Sister Bale $100,000. It’s like trailer trash on a larger, more expensive scale! Instead of money for beer and smokes, Sis wants 100 grand, and then Mom starts calling her daughter-in-law a whore.

Best Week Ever thinks they have it figured out: Jenny Bale is a part-time clown, and the method actor snapped and forgot he’s not really Batman.

Late-breaking bonus!

This is his mugshot? It looks like his 9th grade yearbook photo.

Shia LaBeouf was arrested for DWI last night after drunkenly colliding with another car and flipping his truck at the intersection of LaBrea and Fountain in Los Angeles. He had to have hand surgery; also some other people were hurt, but they’re not famous so no one cares. Come back when you have an agent!

bento #45 & fried teriyaki tofu

Top:

• Onigiri with soy sauce.
• Fried teriyaki tofu.

Bottom:

• Home-made pickles and pickled onion.
• Kiwi.

Lid:

• Choco Tart cookie.

To make the tofu:

1. Cut a block of extra-firm tofu into pieces about the size of dominos, but thicker. Like 2 dominos stacked together, say.
2. Marinate in teriyaki sauce for about 12 hours.
3. Heat about 2 inches of vegetable oil in a deep sauce pan over medium-high heat, until a drop of water thrown in crackles.
4. Dredge each piece in flour, then dip in beaten egg, then roll in panko.
5. Fry in small batches, 5 or 6 pieces at a time, until deep golden-brown. And this will only take a few seconds, so this is something you need to keep your eye on.
6. Drain on paper towels and enjoy immediately; leftovers can be reheated in a toaster oven to keep breading crunchy.

robert pattinson is terrified of “twilight” fangirls

Wow, he looks baked. Also, OMG HIS HAIR LOLZ!!

stitching, bike assembly, and sleep-eating

 

Stitches used in the 2nd section include:

• Long-arm cross
• Double cross
• Satin stitch–so easy on evenweave!!
• Algerian eyelet

The caps of the top center triple acorn motif were supposed to be queen stitches, but those never look very nice to me (stitches that require tacking always seem lumpy and crowded), so I used double crosses, since they occupy the same amount of squares, and it turned out really nice.

Saturday I rolled up my sleeves and got to work assembling the bike. It took most of the afternoon, and I won’t pretend there weren’t times when I wanted to scream and throw things, and there were definately a few instances of muffled cursing. Especially when I was trying to figure out how to attach the front fender, and align the handlebars (which, since that’s how you steer, has to be pretty close to perfect). The directions that came with it were pretty useless, they weren’t specific to the Schwinn Windwood and there was a lot of stuff that didn’t even apply, like disc brakes and directions for gears. I wound up pretty much just doing it by eyeball and common sense.

But in the end I persevered, and it’s worth it. For the last couple of months I’ve felt like I really have to use every ounce of energy to move at all on the old bike, and if I was headed into the wind (and it’s almost always windy around here in the afternoon), forget it. I would literally inch forward; I could have walked faster. My thighs and calves were always strained and tired. This bike requires much less effort and even into the wind I can still go pretty fast. Plus, it’s just so darn cute! I have to get a box for the rear storage area.

The only thing I didn’t accomplish is putting a better innertube in the back tire. I just could not get one of the bolts to budge. The repair shop presumably has better tools, and I know they have more upper-body strength, so I’ll just wait for it to go flat (and with my luck, it will probably happen by the end of the week) and have the Bicycle Garage put the tube in. And not tighten the bolt so much that I can’t get it off myself next time. So I think I’ll hang onto the old bike until that happens, just in case I can’t get it done while I wait.

So Saturday night I was pretty sore and exhausted, so I took a bunch of Advil and some sleeping medication, because I’d ran out of melatonin on Friday night and didn’t have time to get more. It was just over-the-counter stuff. But you remember all those stories a while back about Ambien causing sleep-eating? I swear to dog, it happened to me! I keep most of my dry goods on a shelving unit in my bedroom, because my allotted kitchen cabinet space is taken up by dishes and pots and pans and really bulky stuff like flour and rice sacks. Anyway, I had this box of big, individually-wrapped cookies called Choco Tarts that I got at the Asian supermarket for my lunch, and when I woke up Sunday morning the open box was on the floor by my bed, and one of them had been eaten, and I have no memory whatsoever of doing it! Freaky.